Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
