i don't like sucking hair
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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