I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you made out with another girl for some wings
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
