I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
