I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
