You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
