Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
