I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
