I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
