I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
