Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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