you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
