I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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