He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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