i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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