it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
