my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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