you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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