Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My pussy is not your playground.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
