But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
my liver is dry heaving
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
