and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
