he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
