I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
