so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
