I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
