i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
