dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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