it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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