So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
