That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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