I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
