Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
