i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
