Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
