i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My breasts were aching with rage.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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