Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
