So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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