Pregnant stripper...not hot.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
