I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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