Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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