I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I currently don't understand fingers.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
