I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
