And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I understand Curling. That high.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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