someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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