i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
