i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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