im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How external is "for external use only"?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
