Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
