My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
