New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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