he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
