i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
