Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
