break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
