his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
