I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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