sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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