i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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