Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
